jagged edges, lined with gold
by dragons7
Summary: It's more like, with these people - Nott forgets to remember. Critical Role, Campaign 2 - A bit of a Nott character study.


**Author has only watched up to Episode 23. Please take this into consideration while reading.**

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It isn't ever that Nott _forgets_, really.

Her skin is mottled green, her teeth, pointed needles, and she will never live long enough to forget the nearly justified coiled fear and anger she's seen in the eyes of far too many strangers to count, so, no: It isn't that Nott forgets.

But, all the same.

Actions become habits become unconscious quirks of character, but Nott's biggest problem has really always been her brain, which flits from thought to thought to impulse faster than she can usually keep up with, and traveling with the Mighty Nein has spoiled her somewhat. She's usually so good with it, keeping up her porcelain mask, but they- They don't mind, as much as she's seen with others.

Like Beau might say: They've all got their shit, and the smell of it stinks too much for them to mind her adding to the pile.

Which in true Beau fashion, isn't actually the best metaphor, but the point remains: She's gotten complacent, gotten comfortable without the weight of the mask as they travel on the lonely open road, miles and miles away from any civilization. She's become too used to life without it, and now it was coming to bite her in the ass.

Or, at least - It would, if it weren't for Caleb.

Nott genuinely doesn't know where she would be, without Caleb. Prison, maybe, at best, or dead, at the worst. Caleb is always saving her, has been saving her from the beginning.

She doesn't remember the exact conversation she'd been having, but that was a common theme, when talking with Jester, who flitted from thought to thought almost as fast as Nott did. They liked to build off each other, liked to talk and joke and laugh, but mostly they got caught up in _ideas_ together, that they were both too impulsive to stop and think out.

"Race you!" says Jester, before she goes careening off towards the town they're rapidly approaching, and while Nott doesn't exactly know where she's going, she scrambles off the cart in a blind attempt to follow her.

Behind her, Caleb makes a choked noise, and a hand clamps down on the rags she uses as a cloak. It's gone before Nott can register more than a slight pull - Caleb has a _thing_ about touching people that makes Nott's heart hurt - but it's more than enough to catch her attention.

She turns back, feet itching to run. Caleb worries his lip, his brow creased in concern.

"Your mask," he reminds softly, and, oh. Right.

And, yeah - It isn't that Nott forgets, how monstrous she is. It's more like, with these people - She forgets to remember.

His fingers are gentle, quietly adjusting the makeshift straps to fit snugly around her ears and press up against her face without being too tight. He never avoids her skin on purpose - she's known others to flinch away at the very sight of it - but he doesn't seek it out either, leaving the entire process a series of light, casually familiar touches, and something in Nott's chest burns with pride at how far her boy has come.

"Are you _coming_?" comes Jester's voice, tinged with childish impatience, but if she'd really been running the entire time, she'd be much farther away, so Nott thinks she isn't quite as oblivious as she can sometimes seem.

"A moment!" Caleb calls in return, and sits back on his heels, studying Nott's face and mask for any hint of the goblin beneath. After a moment, he smiles and nods. "_Gut_. Good. Thank you, my friend."

Through the mask, Nott smiles back. She doesn't say she should be thanking him, doesn't do anything but duck forward to give him a quick hug and finally scamper over the edge of the cart to bolt after Jester, who shrieks with delight when Nott passes her and begins to take chase.

It's nice, she thinks as she runs, the wind buffeted by her porcelain face. Even if she'll never truly be able to forget, even if all she ever sees when looking in the mirror is a monster, it's nice, having this place, this group, where she doesn't have to hide. Doesn't have to cower in the shadows, hood up and face down.

It's nice, not having to remember.

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**comments fuel me, but please no spoilers!**


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